The Worst Feelings Ever, According to People’s Experiences

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Love Beyond Measure

Me and my mum were always very close, us against the world. We defected to east Germany together, and although she always struggled, she nevertheless gave me everything a child can wish for.

When I was 8 years old, she got diagnosed with cancer for the first time, but she fought it with all her strength and beat it.

Over the years, she got diagnosed with cancer again…six times. Each time a different variant. 3 years ago, she was in a hospital because she was so weak, the cancer had worn her out, and the doctors wanted to feed her up because she had lost so much weight and was supposed to undergo surgery for a laryngectomy.

In my mind, she still was this strong woman who would beat this cancer again…but then one evening, when I quit work earlier to visit her, a nurse told me to prepare.

“Prepare for what exactly?” was my answer, and then it hit me just how serious the situation was and how little time there was left. I spent the whole evening with her. She was on morphine, very sleepy, and not really there, if you know what I mean.

It didn’t matter to me. I just wanted to spend time with her. But then, just for a brief moment, she became focused and told me how much she loved me and how grateful she was that I took care of her for the last 9 years, abandoning my studies and working several jobs just to provide for us. I told her that I would do it all again, that I would always love her, and that she was the most important person to me and was the best mother a child could hope for.

Soon after that, she asked me if I would visit her again the next day, which I affirmed. She fell asleep after that, and I went home. It was a long day, so I fell asleep on the couch. Two hours later, I got the call that she died in her sleep.

No words can describe how I felt. To make it short: I didn’t leave my bed for 3 weeks straight, I didn’t eat properly, and I didn’t care for body hygiene and so on. Lots of “friends” who turned their backs on me when I needed them the most. I lost the drive to do anything.

But now I’m better. I’m still sad, and I miss her every day, but I got a stable job, a brighter perspective on life, a wonderful girlfriend who I love with all my heart, and some very good friends who I can count on.

Sometimes we think that we simply can’t go on, but don’t go that way. You will always find something worth living for. Life is just too precious.