The Worst Feelings Ever, According to People’s Experiences
Credit; freepik
Bidet Bloopers
Story time.
Where I live, it gets pretty cold in the winter, so I wanted to configure my bidet to spray out warm water.
A plumber was over for some other stuff, so I asked him how one would go about switching the inlet source. Once he was gone, I got to work, and half an hour later, it was all set up. Soon after that, I left for this party and got pretty drunk.
When I woke up the next day, I switched on the hot water for a shower, and soon after that, it was time for one of those ridiculous dumps that are known only to those who have spent a whole night drinking whiskey and eating kebabs.
Everything was coming along swimmingly until the bum spray came into play. I’d completely forgotten about my experiment the previous evening, and as I pushed the lever thing on the faucet, I felt its pipe heating up. A bit too much. There must’ve been half a second between that and me realizing what was about to happen. This water was somewhere around 80℃/ 175℉ and heading at a high speed towards my unsuspecting butthole. I barely mustered an “OH FUU….” before it hit. Imagine getting sodomized by lava. I really can’t explain it in any other way.
I couldn’t bear to look, but for a while, it felt really weird down there. I’m pretty sure everything that existed in the general vicinity of my butthole got singed, and my taint was tingling in a way that I’d never felt before, which was kind of interesting.
I’m still kinda hairless over there, which I’m sure will turn out to be a good thing once I get over the mental scarring.
