The Unsolved Diaries: People Talk About Their Life’s Lingering Mysteries

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A Genetic Rollercoaster

Is my dad really my dad?

When I was conceived, my mother and her then-boyfriend were having some pretty bad relationship issues (he cheated on her with his ex-wife). She went on a road trip to another state with some girlfriends to clear her head and blow off steam. While there, she runs into another guy she knew from back home. He had a nice car, offered to give her a ride in it, and they spent the night together.

She goes back home and a short while after, she and her then bf make up and resume dating. Shortly after, she finds out she’s pregnant.

The bf wants her to have an abortion (I don’t think he knew about the other guy, however), but she refuses. They end up breaking up sometime during her pregnancy.

She was pretty sure that the guy with the car was the father, but didn’t know for sure. The ex assumed he was the father, but didn’t really want to fill the daddy role.

I came into the world and during my second year of life, she wrote a letter to the guy with the car (using his mother’s address, as she couldn’t think of how else to contact him since she didn’t know where he was living at the time). She tells him about me and gives him the choice of being in my life or not. We were fine either way. She never got a response.

Fast-forward 13 years. My half-sister (from my mom’s previous marriage) is having a wedding. It’s pretty close to the home of the mother of the guy who had the car. I had heard as much as my mom could tell about him and I really wanted to meet him. She goes to the house, informs his mom of my existence and leaves our phone number.

He called later that night and we arranged a meeting for the next day (we lived pretty far away from each other). We met, he was very friendly, and we began to form a relationship. He claimed he didn’t need a paternity test and believed he was the father. My mom believed it too. He died in a fire about 4 years later. The last 2 years of his life we didn’t get to see each other much, but kept in contact through the telephone. My mom died shortly after due to medical issues. I have never heard from her cheating ex bf since I was basically a toddler and I don’t even know if he’s alive.